Just mom, not supermom

Frequently, women friends call me supermom.

They will list off what I do as an example of how super I am. The problem is that they seem to get mad at me about. And, say things like, "Oh, well don't expect me to do that, I am not Amanda, I am not super mom!"

It feels like a backwards compliment and like girl bullshit.

And, it just isn't true.

Sure, I get stuff done but ultimately we do what works best for our family.

Anytime ladies call me this I tell them, if I am supermom it is only because of my super-husband and the great support system I have.

Bruce does not have any imaginary lines drawn about what men do and what women do in a household or in a marriage. He gets stuff done. We both have each other's backs.

For example, he takes the girls to daycare because teaching starts much earlier for me. Evey uses cloth at diaper care, so everyday we have to make sure there is a stack ready to go. (In someways we make more work for ourselves because of cloth but once again this works for us)

I try to make sure the bag is ready to go as soon as I get home. And Bruce? Well, he makes me breakfast while I am pumping in the morning and makes me lunch. Yesterday when I got home I saw on the counter all the pumping bottles had been washed. He rocks.

Our families are also very involved and help both Bruce and I to be on top of our game. When I have Parent-Teacher conferences in the next several weeks, my mom will come and pick the girls up so Bruce doesn't have to rush (these are long days for me like 7am-8pm).

We even left both girls with my parents for two days to have some time alone. This is important for us and we feel it is important for our kids to have other adult relationships, especially with the grandparents.

I also realized yesterday how our neighbor is part of our village (that helps to raise our children). Hadley often likes to play with the neighbor girl, who is 7, and the mom encourages me to go home and get stuff done.

So, my message?

I am luckily and blessed.

But, I still have too much dirt around my house and never get to the gym anymore to be called supermom.

And I am tired of other women putting their insecurities in my direction.

Now I am off to clean while the husband has the big girl grocery shopping with him.

Why I am a working mom:

1. I do not like being overwhelmed by housework.

I just returned to teaching after an extended summer break (so four months total) and while loved, loved, loved being home with the girls, there was almost never time to get anything done. Obviously, I do not have more time now. But there is something about having less time that makes you want to get more done, or at the very least, use your time more wisely. But mostly, when I was home I felt like it was my job to get more done. When both of us work it makes sense that we both do work. And, I have a sweet husband, in that he does everything. And that means he does what ever needs to be done.

2. I need an outlet.

This is also why teaching is perfect for me. I get the interaction and challenge that I want but also get lots of time off with the kids.

3. That is all I can think of right now and the baby is crawling away on me.

But oh yeah, I would love to test different vaccums and actaully own one that does a good, no! great job.

Why kill a baby animal?

After dinner we decided to take a walk. As we approached the High School there were two girls standing on the sidewalk throwing rocks at something in the grass.

It was a baby robin. As soon as I realized what they were doing I started protesting.

"Don't hurt that bird!"

The one girl stop but was laughing nervously. The other girl, barely glanced up at us and continued on with what she was doing.

Bruce got angry pretty quickly and told them to get out of here.

They didn't. And the one girl still wanted to throw rocks at the bird. While we were standing there. While our girls were there.

There was a lot of yelling and the situation was maddening. The same girl picked up another rock and that was when I pulled out my phone to call the non emergency number. Not because I wanted to call the police but because nothing was working and now (after threatening to hurt us physically) she was picking up another rock.

This worked and they went away.

But Bruce and I were shaken.

I want answers. I want to know why they would do this, but more importantly how our mere presence did not make them stop. Why was this something they didn't have guilt about?

Was race an issue? Could we have approached the situation differently with better results? So frustrating.

In other news, today is our wedding anniversary. 3 years! And Evey is 3 months today!

Last night, Bruce and I started roughly planning out our stay-cation (the girls are spending two nights with my folks! Evey's first sleep over!) and I am so excited. I have been pumping for about 2 and a half weeks and have over 100 ounces! I am feeling like I am running out of time as the school year looms closer and closer. And it is filled with a mixture of worry and excitement.

Can always count on change around here.

Food is important to me

So the other day, I am watching tv (not something we do a lot of, a now that it is the new digital tv maybe even less, because, yes, we are those people who DON'T HAVE CABLE) and there is a commercial for Yoplait's WHips yogurts. It is a normal commercial and it barely has my attention but then they show at the very end, for like 10 seconds the idea of putting one in the freezer. And, all of a sudden, I want one, like right now. And because I am a new mom, trying to watch the baby pounds slip off but also ravenously hungry because A.) I can eat found, unlike during the pregnancy and B.) making milk takes a lot of freakin' calories (or so I tell myself).

Today I was telling another new mom about them. I should work for Yoplait. Hey, ya want me to do a commercial? Ha

Why don't I write more?

I am on the computer everyday, so why have I not added more?

First of all, I only have two followers. Two guys that I know nothing about. Guess that is the internet for ya.

Second, is because I have so much to say and so little. Ya know what I am saying?

So yesterday I made dinner and Bruce can home to a meal ready in like 5 minutes after he was through the door. I wanted to go to the gym, Bruce was ecstatic and did everything he needed to do to make sure it happened. I did the elliptical machine on the hill setting for 30 minutes with a 5 minute cool down. I also did some reverse dips. I am in sore in all the right ways today.

But the thing is Bruce got so much put away while I was gone for an hour. He folded the piles of laundry (and our horrid sock mountain!) and kept the girls entertained. I start out good in the morning, but always lose stream by nap time.

But today has been a better day. I took Hadley to the park, organized and resorted Evey's clothes (she is no longer in the 0-3 or even the 3-6, more like 6 and 6-9months clothes) and we watered plants outside. I just want to do some yoga and clean the kitchen and made so floors during Hadley's nap. We shall see.

We have a street fair tonight that I am very excited about. Life is good, there is always so much going on.

Always changing

Right now, B is feeding E from a bottle. This is important for many reasons. Namely, for when I go back to work E will need to take a bottle. But also so we can go out too. It is important that E gets my milk but can drink from a bottle. At the same time, I don't want her to reject the breast because I only want to pump for times we need it. She can drink from me whenever we are together. 

When H was going through this I never really even thought about it. We just offered her a bottle with expressed milk when we needed to and life was great. This time around I have read too much. There are time frames and rejection of nipples or entire bottles. I am not a lady who likes to get stressed out. *shrug* We will take it one step at a time. There is no point in worrying about if she won't until it is a problem. Plus, I have the greatest husband who also happens to be one of the most involved dads I have ever laid my eyes on. Seriously. B always does more then he needs to and always with pure love for his girls. And, he has more patience then I do. But his patience has actually helped me to yell less and become more patient. Especially with H. And the way she treats him sometimes would make me blow my top. It might make him sad but he never takes it out on her (not to say I do, I just see how gently and wonderful he is with her.)

It is hard to not be a part of this. I want to help, to watch to be with them. But I need to be out of the room when he does this. And, like parenthood has been so far, it will change once again. Always.

Writing

I want to write everyday. And I am on the computer everyday. But having two hands and being able to think while using those two hands? Well, that is another task all together.

So today's thought?

I am always thinking about teaching. What I will do next year, how to reach students, including technology but not just for the sake of technology. I think about how to incorporate soical justice and the building of a community in whatever we are reading or writing. 

And, well, I want students to read and to write. I have more thoughts but I have lost them for now. I just need to make this more of a habit.

I need to write more.

Like, where is my birth story?

I will post it. I already have it written out for our family website. But I want to start writing more. Here for now and then I might begin another goal. 

So anyways.

We had our awesome BBQ on Saturday, so many people came, and the day and night just blended into one another and before we knew it, the BBQ was over. So many great friends and more amazing family. I also could not believe all the babies. My BIL said something yesterday about all the couple and babies (he is single and not particularly happy about this) and I guess we are part of that section of society. It feels good though. I do feel like a good mom, most days, and I feel like I have more patience this time around. But that is mostly because of B, he rules in some many ways.

So, I am in love with using my Sleepy Wrap and I just wanted to express some props for this carrier. As long as I spend time with tying it on before I leave the house I am good to go. E has been everywhere in it, to list a few: grocery store, parks, zoo, target, and mall. I can also nurse with it much better then in the beginning. I do have to take her out, but I don' t mind, but before I was wearing t-shirts and having to pull up the whole shirt, ridiculous. Now, I wear and tank top and just pull over or down and use that side of the wrap to keep the boob away till it is needed. And I am not too hot or too cold because of the layering. Though I do dress E pretty lightly. And she is pretty much out the whole time in it.

I was reading another blog: http://4littlemen.blogspot.com/

and came across this website Urban Baby Bonnets and now I want at least two, a big one for H and a little one for E. WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE TO COST MONEY. Sigh. 

This is a good place to start. Again.

I am in labor!

Yesterday was a rough day. I had made peace with being late and then I went to the Dr.'s. They monitored the baby because of being over 40 weeks, and that went just fine. Then there was an ultrasound to check my fluids, to see how much the baby had inside. I was a little worried the whole time I was at the Dr.'s because I thought it would be a quick visit and instead it turn into two hours and H was with some friends who have a 2 month old. 

So the fluids were border line. I had decisions and choices and it stressed me out a little. 

So last night we went mall walking, I fell asleep at 11 and woke up at 2:30am laid around for a while, got up decided to make RRL tea, read on my message board for advice from my natural mama's and then take a warm bath and hot shower. I feel back to sleep around 5 and woke up 7:30. I was still hoping to have sex with B but was tired and a little crampy.

We were about to eat breakfast at 8 and I felt a surge of wetness. So B decided to stay home till we figured out what was going on. Because, just like before, it was not that much water. We ate, we walked, cleaned I called my dad after B and I decided that we wanted to at least go in a get checked. We stop at Edgewater and walk, B's idea, before we got stuck at the hospital. It was a good choice. I was having contractions enough and with the other issues my Dr. was fine with admitting me.

B is grabing some food as my contractions become a little more intense. He is back now. 

Past due date and doing okay

Wednesday and Thursday were tough days for me emotionally. I really thought this baby was coming. Friday, which was my due date and my last day at school was a great day. I just knew baby wasn't coming (I am guessing I have at least another week) and my students were wonderful. Three classes threw parties, tons of students were saying things like "You can't leave," or "You are coming back after you have the baby, right?" I will definitely visit with the kids, and I am so going to miss everyone. 

Yesterday, we were so busy as a family. We had breakfast at a coffee shop in Cleveland (it is called the Erie Island Coffee company: http://www.erieislandcoffee.com/) not only did the barista open up like an hour and half early for us but she was so genuine and sweet. I want to be her cheerleader! Then we headed to the West Side Market, which can be stressful with H but was cool and my favorite part (other then the sweet food) is running into people. We went to Unique Thrift to get H some more summer clothes (the girl needed shorts, skirts and dresses) and we got a bag of clothes for 14 bucks because everything was half off while we were there. We also were able to pick up my car from the mechanics, fixed and free HOORAY! While B put away the food H and I were outside, she was in her sandbox while I was cleaning and raking the yard. For lunch we had hummus that one of my Palestinian student's made as a going away gift and fruit salad. We went home to have friends call about coming over. They have a 20 month old daughter and our kids love each other. We went to the park too, it was great. B and I relaxed on the couch and then B warmed up leftovers (some of which was delicious fruit salad he had made earlier in the day!) H did well during bath time again (I guess I just needed to talk to her about it, who knew?) And then I spent to late watching t.v. and reading a book (The Glass Castle). Such a full and wonderful day, and right now I am glad I didn't go into labor last night! I would have been too tired!

Why do I feel so crazy???

Okay, when I was pregnant with H I was not feeling this insane. Probably because I really did not think my baby would come at 38 weeks But that is a problem this time. ALL I CAN THINK ABOUT IS WHEN WILL BABY COME. And, the fact that my water broke last time kinda makes this worse. I know I will know when I am in labor but if my water breaks then I really know. *Sigh

So I have been drinking Red Raspberry Leaf tea since I was 34 weeks (it helps to tone the uterus) and I have been taking EPO orally since around then too. Last night I decided to use it internally, ah, in the, ya know, baby exit. Well, I think I have lost my mucus plug too. AND THIS ALL MAKES ME FEEL CRAZY. I have been bouncing on my ball as soon as I get home from school. I really want to have this baby. And the thing is I am not uncomfortable, I just want to meet my baby. And so I feel even more crazy. And H has been so crabby and hard to manage. Maybe that means the baby is coming too. (The phrase that is out of my mouth every two seconds these days..)

This is when time slows down..

Seriously, I just want to meet this little person. So I had a doctor's appointment I am a stretchy 1-2 dilated which means nothing really but I came home excited, drinking my red raspberry leaf tea, took more EPO and am bouncing on my birthing ball while I am online. I will be fine if I go past my due date, but truth be told I WANT TO HAVE THIS BABY TODAY. HAHA I am a nut. This is almost as bad as when I was ttcing. Almost. 

The end weeks..11 days till due date

On Saturday, I told my mom that I don't feel like I am close yet. I still am pretty comfortable and it just does not feel close yet. I feel like I have at least a week or even past my due date. I am a super glad that I am still working to help take my mind off of when the baby will come.

Yesterday at church, however, I felt very very different. I had to leave service to walk around, drink water and just chill. I was not having contractions and obviously my water was in place, but I did feel off. I had a chat with the baby. I told baby that I am ready, that there is a sister who will be a great big sister and the best dad in the world. And I also told them that if they need more time, that is okay too. I was so tired when we got home from church, B graciously let me take a nap while he entertained H. I bounced on the ball later and got some stuff done for school. 

Easter at the J's was great, H had tons of fun and we ate some great food. 

I am pretty sure I am going to make through to my due date, and I am totally fine with that. In a lot of ways it will be nice for school and my students and even the money part. But, I am ready at any moment for baby. 

Saturday musings

I have 6 weeks until my due date. Five of those weeks I will still be teaching (Spring Break is right in the middle and that will be the time I use to get more ready, though truthfully I don't feel like there is that much to do). I got my preemie prefolds, Sleepy Wrap, wet bag and pail bags this week. I feel set in terms of buying anything else. I am very happy with my newborn stash of cloth diapers. 

I have been having more and more Braxton Hicks contractions. This is much sooner then it was with H. Nothing intense just crampy and I feel little one moving around all the time. I do not feel 8 months pregnant (nor really look like it either).

H has had some tough times lately. Potty training is at a stand still, she has had ringworm and a fever between this week and last week, so she was out of daycare for two days both weeks. B has been awesome through it all, mostly staying home with her. I did stay home yesterday, I knew it was crazy busy at work for B so I needed to take some of the pressure off. H and I had a great day, I got a lot of cleaning done and that always makes me feel better. 

I hope today is rewarding too.

Why I love my body...

I feel so good right now. I have people telling me all the time that I don't look that big and honestly I feel so good. I am 32 weeks on Thursday and I have almost gained back the 17 lbs I lost during 1st and 2nd trimester. I love how big my boobs are and I love the way the baby is moving. I am hoping that on Tuesday the doctor tells my the baby is head down, but if not I still have some time, so no worries.

B and I had incredible sex again today while Miss H took her nap. He has been trying to initiate at night and I have been just too tired. But I have actually wanted to be with him (the last time was so incredible, seriously) but our timing has been off. So after my shower I let him know of my intentions. I even cleaned up down below, which was no easy task but it felt so nice to feel sexy. And once again, amazing sex. I am a happy lady. I have an amazing man. 

Where does the time go?

Okay so I'm gonna give the short version.

-Last Friday (the 30th) I was rear-ended. Car is fine, I am fine baby is fine.  I was mostly mad because I spent my Friday night at the ER and didn't even get to see H or B at all. I have a little whip-lash but I am seeing a Chiropractor. Also, the lady that hit me has car insurance.

-School is great but so busy. I am glad we didn't get any snow days this week but it took me 50 minutes to drive to work Wednesday. In the end, I was still glad there was school.

-I am definitely pregnant now. I feel the little one move all the time and I have been experiencing Braxton Hicks much earlier this time around. Today I have had more intense ones. I am not worried but instead view them as my uterus preparing.

-B and H are sick this weekend. B and I had plans to go to dinner and see a movie Friday night with good friends. H was spending the night at my parents house and I was excited for the grown up night. We ate at a Thai place. B left for home before the movie because he was feeling so poorly. I was sad but at least I still got to go. I had such a hard time staying awake during the movie. It was a 9:30pm movie, with subtitles and lots of all black moments. Even though it was about Fear and scary an' stuff I kept almost falling asleep. I had a great time despite all this. 

-I am 30 weeks on Thursday and then I go to 2-week visit. I am only nervous about gaining too much weight. But other then that I still feel like I have a good amount of time left. No biggie, teaching has a way of making time fly by, so I know baby will be here before I know it.

Whew. That is a pretty good update

What have I been reading online?

Lately, I have been following different families in different aspect of their pregnancy journeys. My favorite ones are the ladies who are waiting to give birth any day. But I am also pretty excited to read any interesting blogs about pregnancy. But lately I have been focusing on only lesbian moms. I am bored by whiny straight ladies (wait, am I talking about myself?) and found this group very interesting. So yea, that is who I have been reading. I think for the most part these ladies tend to want my nature births. I am in such a minority in the rest of my life with that desire. But some of these ladies do have c-secs and for some strange reason I seem less judgmental. But I don't know.  So yea, a little bit more about me. 

I read enough blogs...

Here I am, starting my own blog. I think my husband might have suggested that I start a blog. Since I spend so much time reading them. He thinks I have something to say. *Shurg* Maybe, maybe not we will see.

So I am an almost 30 something mom, English teacher (who is allowed to make some writing mistakes) wife and lady. I am currently 28 weeks pregnant with my second child. I have a wonderful 2 year-old daughter and a 2 year old career, which was not suppose to happen in quite that order but did. I have been married for a little over two years as well (a little tend going on here?) to the most incredible man. I feel so blessed to have him, to work with him in this life together.

So, I am probably going to talk about myself mostly, and that means a lot about my current pregnancy cause I am pretty excited about the new baby.